 Charlie Clone |
Welcome to Charlie Clone's All Action Figure Revue at SWAFT.info! I'm your host, Charlie Clone! |
|
In what can only be an effort to dissuade readers
from returning to my review feature, I have been assigned by the powers
that be to
review the Raptor Storm Action Set:
Action Figure with Accessories. Predictably made in China, Raptor Storm Action Set is distributed by the cretaceous Greenbrier International, Inc. of 500 Volvo Parkway, Chesapeake, Veteran's Association 23320. As has now become something of a running gag, the packaging is quite conflicted over the appropriate age for playing with Rapter Storm Action Set. The labels indicate the toy is only suitable for children five and older, but that the toy poses a choking hazard for children three and younger. One must pause to wonder, if the toy is only a Choking Hazard for children under three, what is it about the toy that makes it unsuitable for children between three and five... Perhaps Greenbrier feels there is a Psychological Hazard with this toy that could scar children who have not reached the age of reason, some horrible mental peril too horrific to even mention. |
  |
CONCEPT:
Raptor Storm is yet another attempt to make a quick buck riding the mighty morphin' coattails of the Power Rangers. Resembling some kind of long lost Royal Purple Ranger, this figure is five-and-a-half inches of chisel-chested copyright infringement.
Beyond the obvious reference to the classic
rangers' prehistoric theme and the 1990s pop-armchair-paleontogy's love
affair
with the raptor species, I'm not entirely sure what "Raptor Storm" is
supposed to mean.
Is it the name of the figure himself?
"They call me Storm. Raptor Storm. Raptor
Storm, Esquire, that is."
Is it supposed to be the premise of the toy line? If so, it still begs the question of what a "raptor storm" is supposed to be? Are we supposed to imagine that the world is being overrun by a vicious breed of cyber-mechanical velicoraptors, like the one pictured in the package art? (Kudos, by the way, to the graphic artist for using pretty much all of the preloaded Photoshop visual effect features on the title logo.) Or maybe the Raptor Ranger somehow channels the essence of cyborg dinosaurs whenever he wears his claw-like weaponry.
Still, I can't help but think of Raptor Storm
as a brand of underarm deoderant targeted at MMORPGers. It
would have a whole television ad campaign where otherwise innocuous
computer-savvy
males spray on some Raptor Storm and transform into salacious MySpace
predators.
"RAPTOR STORM: It puts the DATE in PREDATION."
But I digress.
Whatever Raptor Storm is, it occurs in a
brightly colored burst of plasma with streaming lightning effects, and
summons forth masked men in tights.
ACCESSORIES:
|
FEATURES: Stormie has reasonable articulation. He features a twisting head, rotating shoulders, jointed elbows and knees, and swivelling hips. His waist doesn't move, but he does feature peg-holes in his feet. A stray bit of plastic that seeped through the mold inadvertantly causes his neck to make a flappy noise whenever it is moved.
Puzzlingly, his right foot is marked B and
his left foot is marked F. I'm assuming this must indicate which side
the part goes on, or perhaps the order in which the parts are attached.
Or maybe those are his initials, and he likes to stamp them on the
forehead of mortal enemies that he has just pummelled so that every
time they look in the mirror, they remember they had their butts handed
to them by Barry Finklestein...aka the Royal Purple Ranger. The toy also has a fair amount of detailing
in the sculpt. His chest and abdomen are impossibly well-developed,
most likely leading young boys to a life tormented by body image issues
and feelings of inadequacy. All of his
accessories and limbs have little sculpted flourishes, usually evoking
the triangular wedges of raptor's teeth, and you can make out a
Tao on his shuriken. The purple helmet has gold-painted trim, a
silver-painted mouth piece, and a black visor. The gold-painted
belt has a black buckle (only the front half of the belt is painted).
The paint job might not be much, but some poor little factory working
inhaled potentially harmful fumes for hours on end, so the least I can
do is nod to their artistry.
The figure also has part of the Chinese character for ninja stamped over its heart. At least, that's what it looks like according to http://zhongwen.com/. (Actually, according to that site, the character seems to literally mean "blade in the heart," a term related to ninja. Who knew this review was going to be so educational?)
The only other really notable feature is the aforementioned attachable armor. Unfortunately, the armor snaps on using a peg that is inserted into a hole right smack-dab in his solar plexus. This means that when he is out of his armor, he has a gaping chest wound all of the time. On the other hand, the hole makes a handy way to make it look as though he is being run through with a lightsaber.
|
PLAY VALUE:
Oh, Raptor Storm...shrouded in a thickly veiled mystery of prehistoric meteorology! Whatever shall we do with you?
Personally, I don't mind the 3.75" or 4"
dollar store figures because, even if they don't blend in with my other
toys, they have the decency not to take up too much space in the
shoebox.
Not this guy.
He's a hunk a hunk a wasted space.
Unless you are looking to looking to include
a race of robo-ninja giants among your figures, this one is better left
to the younger sort who seem to be the primary demographic for these
overgrown, anonymous beefcake figures.
| Until
next time...
--Charlie Clone |
 |
