Welcome to Charlie Clone's All Action Figure Revue at SWAFT.info!

From shady to shiny, we leave behind the Trans-Morpher-Specs to take a look at some residents of the far distant planet of Chromotron. They are the highly refulgent

CHROMOBOTS!

Dollar Tree came through once again on these. As so many times before, these figures were distributed by Greenbrier International, Inc. located at 500 Volvo Pkwy, Chesapeke, Visual Annoyance 23320. Do I need to say they were made in China?

SHINY = GOOD.

The makers really want to drive the point chrome, all right.

That’s pretty much the main selling point on the Chromobots, who are, predictably, shiny, metallic foil covered robot toys.

And nothing says “I’m a mechanoid in desperate need of attention!” quite like coating your torso chassis with the vibrant sheen of smooth, shimmering chrome.

While chrome isn’t necessarily the best for of camouflage, and probably doesn’t hold up well in battle, one can imagine certain advantages to having it all over one’s body. For instance, you would never need a mirror. You could just look at yourself in your own hand. And you would never have to worry about not knowing you had spinach in your teeth, because you’ be able to see your reflection in your chrome-plated neighbor’s face. Not that you’d be eating much spinach if you were a Chromobot.

Based on the package design, I’m pretty sure the Chromobots are by the same people who brought us the Transformatrix line, including the Magnitic Action Figure and the Light Up Action Figure (a.k.a. Bootleg Optimus Prime). This time around, the robots are static without any shape-changing ability, which might explain why the company dropped the Transformatrix logo. That, or they got majorly sued. But I’m just conjecturing on the latter.

Based on the back of the packaging, it’s also obvious that the makers conceived of these robots as being some sort of homage to Optimus Prime and Megatron. Just look at those faceplates. The one looks like a samurai rendition of Prime, the other like a cone head version of Megs. But the faces are pretty easily identifiable...well...on the concept art at least.

The faces on the toys themselves are another issue entirely, but I’ll hold off on that for the features section.

FEATURES:

These Chromobots do sport a lot of chrome on the front...but don’t be deceived.

That’s the only side on which there is any chrome...or any color for that matter. The entire back side...or should I say black side...of the toy doesn’t have a speck of chrome or paint anywhere to be found. I guess you could say that they like to wear a chrome-over. Get it? It’s a pun.

Actually, they kind of look cooler from the back...like stealthy Commandobots. Oh, the irony that, for all the expense of trying to look impressive and chic in chrome, they would actually look cooler without it.

These figures have five points of articulation: the neck, the shoulders, and the knees.

The knees, I say.

Not the hips...but the knees.

This significantly reduces the poseability of the Chromobots. What good are articulated knees without articulate hips?

Jointed knees make for good operatic poses, simulating ice skating, and/or chasing down a bus poses...

And they are especially good for grovelling...which these guys might end up doing a lot of once they are vanquished by a cooler robot toy.

The articulated knees also lend themselves to a rather uncomfortable looking “sitting” posture.

Each Chromobot also has a light up feature. A button on their lower torso activates a blinding red light on their chest. WARNING: DO NOT OPERATE NEAR AIR FIELDS.

I’m not really sure what the point of this light-up feature is supposed to be. I guess if someone poked me where those buttons are, it might cause me to glow a little red too. But is the light supposed to be some kind of laser beam? A warning signal? A means of communication? Or is it just supposed to help them find the keyhole on their spaceship airlock late at night?

Whatever the light’s purpose, the packaging indicates that its battery is not replaceable.

I know this would have generated undue anxiety for me if I had this toy when was a kid. I probably would have never pushed the button, thinking that I had shortened the toy’s overall life span with each retina-searing flash, until the only light-up feature it had left was the glare from its chrome. Although, judging by the amount of chrome dust these guys shed and the amount of chrome wear on the figures before I even opened them, I don’t know how long the chrome will last either.

A single color highlights details on the chrome-side, and each figure sculpt came available in a spectrum of colors. Some limbs also feature black paint, and the light up button is designated by red.

Last...and perhaps least...I should describe the sculpts on these figures...if sculpting is the appropriate word. These toys came in two designs. While the bodies for the most part are distinct from one another and look sufficiently like robot warriors, the detailing leaves much to be desired. Neither robot really has hands. The one just has two orbs with holes in them, and the other looks like it is wearing cozy mittens. Don’t get me started on the faces. I can’t even tell what I’m looking at. The one with the supposedly human-like face looks like some kind of Hello Kitty creature, or Final Fantasy Cactuar, and I keep thinking of cockatoos whenever I look at the other one. Funny lookin’ birds they are.

The one with the pyramid head also has strangely organic limbs, given his otherwise angular look, and the black on his upper legs makes it look like he is wearing tight-fitting biker shorts.

--Charlie Clone