 Charlie Clone |
Welcome to Charlie Clone's All Action Figure Revue at SWAFT.info! I'm your host, Charlie Clone! |
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Well, shiver me timbers and blister me packs! Out from the boiling black seas comes an assortment of nefarious seadogs and scurvy brigands sailing their way to port at the All Action Figure Revue! With the never-ending succession of increasingly perplexing and long Pirates of the Carribean franchise movies, it shouldn’t come as much of a shock that dollar stores stocked up on some sea-faring cargo earlier this year. Thus, the current review, will feature not one...but TWO lines of pirate toys. Or will it? The two pirate toys under the watchful eye of my telescoping spyglass bear more than a few commonalities. Indeed, it looks to me that they are in fact the same molds being used by two different companies. So without further ado, I present Cyber Kidz Pirate Playset vs.
Pirates Adventure Island Pirate Figures The
Pirate Playset was acquired in a totally sketchy "Dollar King," whereas
the Pirates Adventure Island was purchased from Target. Now,
even though these two packs contain identical toys,
they have different age warnings. The Pirate Playset (PP) is for ages
three and
up (not for children under three years). Pirates Adventure Island
Pirate
Figures (PAI) set says that it is for ages five and up. The PAI
includes far
more pirates than the PP, so maybe that comes with an increased risk
that a
child will put one of the paint-chipped pirates in his or her mouth
once they
run out of hands (and/or hooks) with which to hold the figures. |
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CONCEPT:
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Kids love pirates. Or, at least, they love to hate pirates. Whether it’s Treasure Island or Peter Pan, a dastardly pirate is the villain of choice for countless children’s stories. Perhaps the one disconcerting aspect of these toy lines, however, is that there does not appear to be a moral counterbalance to the dread pirates. There’s no hero.
Are children supposed to play out fantasies in some kind of lawless world where criminals run amok on the waves? Isn’t the world full of enough evil without encouraging our children to play-act the cruel savagery of thieving marauders? Or are these supposed to be pushover pirates with a soft spot for orphans out of a Gilbert and Sullivan opera? Didacticism aside, lets take a look at the actual toys... These pygmy privateers hardly possess countenances resembling the terror of the high seas. Their pudgy bodies and cartoon visages make them look more likely to harass the coastlines of Playskool’s Little People country than storm the bridge of the U.S.S. Flagg. Indeed, both sets provide what might be a down-on-his-luck Cap’n Crunch gone mad after a fruitless voyage for rare Crunchberries.
Pirates Adventure Island wins
for the better overall look of
the packaging. The cardback is die cut to look like a torn treasure map
and
features a globe background. The Jolly Roger and crossed swords also
add some
appropriate pirate clipart flair. The Pirate Playset loses points for
its
unnecessary and confusing use of Photoshop lightning effects, but it
does have
the advantage of showing the various figures in the toy line playing
with their
brightly colored accessories. It even includes a superfluous
instructional
image showing the toy’s articulation, but I’m pretty sure
kids could have
figured out which parts were meant to move without the visual aid.
The Pirate Playset also loses points for the non-pirate specific use of a letter-o-matic style font as well as the intrusive Cyber Kidz logo (a flying saucer launching out of a computer monitor). Furthermore, Pirates Adventure Island has the advantage of coming with four pirates and weapons for the same price of the Pirates Playset, which replaces three of the pirates with additional accessories. |
ACCESSORIES:
Although I would probably opt to buy the set with more figures if I had to choose where to spend my dollar, the Pirate Playset is definitely superior in terms of the quality of its accessories. It has a giant blue alligator...and a pretty cool looking one at that. He’d be as comfortable in a G.I.Joe playset as with these goofy looking buccaneers. The hollowed out bottom of the gator is a little distracting but probably comes as a relief to the hooked captain.
All of the wieldable accessories have very thick, cylindrical handles, thus making them fairly useless to other toys without modification...or without stretching out the other toy’s thumbs. In fact, the blunderbuss is even a little too thick to fit comfortably in any of the pirate’s four-fingered hands. The weapons are appropriately stylized given the cartoon rendering of the figures, but they still feature sufficient detailing. For instance, seams have been sculpted where the stocks and barrels cleave on the firearms. The musket even features a little trigger.
The Pirate Playset comes with the same spyglass (in a suitable silver-blue) and blunderbuss (in an unconvincing yellow) as the Pirates Adventure Island.
It also features a yellow crate. I’m assuming that there is some kind of highly valuable contraband in there.
The Pirates Adventure Island does sport a wider arsenal, including a musket, scimitar, and axe. It also comes with a little paper treasure map. I’m pretty sure it’s a forgery though. The map is really just a piece of glossy paper taped into the blister pack. It could easily be ripped or discarded as part of the packaging. It might not even be a bona fide accessory.
And while an armed pirate is a happy pirate, the inclusion of the alligator creates some built in dramatic conflict (Pirate vs. beast) that seems to be missing in the other set (unless, perhaps, you plan on having a mutiny against the cycloptic captain).
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FEATURES: This round also goes to the Pirate Playset. The PP captain has an overall better paint job and finer plastics.
Compare the left hands on the captains. Capt. PP’s arm is cast in a flesh tone, and his sleeve is evenly painted red. Capt. PAI’s arm is cast in red, and his hand is painted in a flesh tone. His hand’s paint is already beginning to chip and has gaps between the fingers.
The PAI figures also reeked when I opened the package. Apparently the captain has kept his men well supplied in rum.
Aside from the captain, each of the pirates in the PAI has a unique head sculpt. The crewmen all have the same body sculpt, although each character does sport their own colors. The body sculpt portrays an opened vest, shirt, buckle, pants, shoes, and bare arms. The vest reveals a pistol tucked in the pirate’s belt. Each pirate is also wearing an anchor on the right side of his chest. I’m not sure if that was originally meant to be a tattoo, scar, or the brand logo of their shirts. The anchor and pistol are painted the same color as the shirt.
Each pirate has waist, shoulder, and neck articulation, except for the captain, who does not have neck articulation (possibly due to the same injury that cost him his right hand and left leg).
More progressive parents will be absolutely delighted to know that both sets of pirates come with “differently-abled” figures. The captains feature prosthetic legs and hands, familiarizing children with the concept of physical difference and helping them to better appreciate the diversity of the human form. The captain and one of the other pirates also wear eyepatches. One pirate also appears to have from some form of strabismus. This will help instruct the children on the importance of proper eye care and prepare them to interact with people who have different visual abilities. This is especially important so that the children can grow up without feeling the social awkwardness of staring at someone’s lazy-eye. Another pirate dons a turban and wields a scimitar. This will help children to overcome contemporary fears concerning those of Middle-eastern descent, while also giving them a history lesson regarding Islamic piracy and slave trading that terrorized Europe and the Mediterranean region for the better part of the last five hundred years. That being said, all four pirates are fair-skinned and red-headed, except for the captain, who appears to have blonde facial hair. Apparently, they are in danger of losing their pirate licenses due to an inability to maintain diversity quotas. Still, these pirate toys will show children how people of different abilities and nationalities can work together towards common goals, such as pillaging, looting, or otherwise violating the basic human rights of others.
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PLAY
VALUE:
I’m not sure that the average child is going to be convinced to play with these guys if he knows he could swindle his parents into buying him a four-inch Johnny Depp figure. They are a fun-looking bunch though, with their vaguely Jim Henson-esque faces and googly-like eyes. The Moorish pirate could easily be Bert in cognito.
These pirates will be a bit more enjoyable if you already have a ship for them. Without some means of transportation to escape with their booty, any raids they make on the Little People would be fairly short-lived.
Or perhaps they could be part of some adventure with Dora the Explorer.
I could see these guys getting confused and thinking they could kidnap her in an effort to learn Spanish navigation routes in the New World. They might torture her into revealing the location of El Dorado, or the military strength of the nearest conquistador’s fort.
And, of course, pirates are always kitsch enough to have on your desk. The fact that they don’t appear to belong to an immediately recognizable franchise like Jack Sparrow’s band of sell-outs will only improve your toy geek street cred.
| Until
next time...
--Charlie Clone |
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BONUS MINI-REVIEW:
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We go from the ridiculous to the sub-blimey in this bonus review! You know I like to keep the main reviews reserved for dollar store toys, so I didn’t feel quite right running the following as a stand-alone review. However, given the topicality of the figures, I thought it would work for a bonus feature... So let’s take a look at two figures from the always impressive Chap Mei company’s Pirate Expeditions: High Sea
Menace Figure Playset. These figures weigh in at three bucks a pop retail, but a local KBToys was running a buy-one-get-one-half-off deal, so I snatched these two up. There were other characters, but I felt these were the most representative of piracy in general. Let’s start with the crewman. This guy exudes pirate. He’s got an eyepatch, and a peg-leg...a peg leg with a metal foot. Now that’s awesome. It’s like the eighteenth century equivalent of cyborg-technology. He may in fact be missing his heart, as you can see suture wounds over his left pap. He also holds some kind of important responsibility on the ship, since there is a set of keys dangling from his bandolier. These are the kinds of wicked cool imaginative details that Chap Mei puts into its sculpting. He’s got a red, patterned bandana, and turquoise pantaloons...but if you think that might be a little too colorful, his belt features a creepy Jolly Roger (and a working holster for his saber). His chest seems to be a different color plastic from his arms and limbs, but that’s no worse than some of the new Star Wars figures we’ve been getting. His highly detailed accessories include a grey musket with a wood-colored stock, a pistol, saber, and some kind of blowhorn. My guess is that the horn might have come from a different toy line.
He also owns one huge pet raven with claws designed to latch onto the figure or a playset. Maybe the horn is some kind of mystical artifact that summons the raven. Sounds like a cool enough concept, right? But even more impressive is the totally awesome pirate captain. When I first bought the figure, I thought, “Cool beans...he’s like a really angry looking Captain Hook!” Indeed, the figure is in a long red pea coat and is waving his hooked limb menacingly in the air. He is a tad less articulated than the crewmember, though, due to a lack of swivel hips. I saw that he came with a plethora of other weapons; his other accessories are a musket and a map (which says it depicts the ivory coast, but it doesn’t really look like Africa to me). He also comes with a pet scarlet macaw. The macaw’s feet appear permanently attached to a cylinder, letting the bird sit in his hand, although it does prevent it from perching on any other surface. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized that most of the other accessories were in fact interchangeable limbs. Oh, yes, this is one bad captain. As if a hook-hand wasn’t evil enough, he can switch his hand for a battle-mace and go all Megatron on his opponents. And if that wasn’t cool enough, he also sports a blade-hand...and it’s got a little skull carved into the hilt!!! What kind of sick, twisted minds bring us diabolical pirates with replaceable weapon hands? The same kind of demented geniuses that brought us Dinotron Ninja with Ravager Action and boars with machine guns on their backs...that’s who! Oh, how I long for the days when Chap Mei returns to the aisles of actual dollar stores to save me from the seemingly endless supply of Raptor Storms and Translucent Ninja...do you hear me, Dollar Tree? Bring back Chap Mei! |
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