Charlie Clone's All Action Figure Revue 8: Ninja Warrior Moveable Action Figure

Let's see, what we can deduce from the name? He's a Ninja Warrior. No big surprise there. It's actually a bit redundant. I mean, if he had been a Ninja Pacifist or a Ninja Janitor, that might have required some qualification. But it would seem to me that ninja by and large generally employ themselves through warlike behavior.

Now the really mysterious part is its self-proclaimed status as a "Moveable Action Figure." I rather imagine something was lost in translation here. Poseable, perhaps? With moving parts, perhaps? But "moveable?" Someone over at Mannix needs to try Babelfish.

That being said, it does pique one's curiosity, does it not? What would an Immoveable Action Figure be? Maybe it would be made of really, really dense plastic. But you wonder how they would ever get an immoveable toy out of the factory... I'd hate to see the online retailer shipping costs...or maybe shipping an immoveable action figure is thinking in the wrong direction. If they can't bring the toy to you, you can bring yourself to the toy. You could pay to have visits to the factory to play with your immoveable toy; it could be like an action figure time share. But I digress. I'm here to review real toys, not one's I've just made up on the spur of the moment.

There appeared to have been four or five variations on this figure, each in a different color, some with alternate head sculpts and special metalized weapons. I ended up buying two of them, the black and the red ninja...mostly because each of them had funky anime hair-dos. Let's face it, how many ninja really get to show off their cool hair? They also seemed to be the most appropriately colored for ninja. I just don't see a yellow ninja being all that stealthy, unless, of course, he were trying to assassinate a rodeo clown or something. (Also, since I only had three dollars on me at the time and Dollarland only takes cash, debit, or Discover cards, I had to discriminate.)

I don't know why so many anime characters have a lock of hair covering one eye. It can't be an advantage during combat to lose your depth perception and 50% of your field of vision. Maybe he poked his eye out cleaning his katana and couldn't afford an eyepatch because he wasted all of his money on the custom paint job for his hand glider.

There is also a mystery to this toyline. The two gliders in my possession have some kind of insignia on them. It appears to be an Asian character that has been broken:

I don't know if this is supposed to be some kind of faction identification or a secret political message or an advertisement for MSG-loaded Asian cuisine.

(The symbol on the left vaguely resembles the first part of this character that comes up when I searched for the Chinese character for ninja.)

Anyway, these boys are ready for 21st Century warfare, with a pretty wild bunch of "snap on" weapons...

Even for all its moveability, it really wouldn't be a worthwhile ninja figure without a cache of violent accessories, would it? Each of these figures comes packed with a host of items in the same color scheme as the ninja himself. All the most fashionable modern ninja like to be color coordinated.

These shadowy killers are ready to fly into hostile territory on a (1) handglider with (2&3) two mountable guns (possibly ray-guns at that). There is also a (4) harness with braces that attach to the glider as well as an independently moving control grip and a firearm (also attached to the harness). Even with the cheap, pliable plastic, this gun appears permanently pointed sideways. Oh, and the harness also has moveable rockets on each side. I'm not really sure about the aerodynamic effectiveness of strapping rockets to your chest while holding on to a hand glider, but I'm only a infantry clone, so what do I know?

The glider has some confusing stickers on it (including what looks like a series of targetting reticules along each wing, like he's smugly egging on some sniper), but it has decent-enough sculpting.

Each ninja wields a (5) two-tone katana blade (what self-respecting ninja doesn't carry one of these nowadays) with a matching handle and working (6) sheath (possibly designed by Ralph Lauren). There is also a (7) gold foil-covered weapon that appears to be a unique sculpt for each ninja. The red ninja's golden sword of honor looks far cooler than the black ninja's fraternity paddle of whupping (actually, it looks remarkably like the Power Ranger's Ninja Storm Thunder Staff...ahem).

So seven pieces, plus one ninja makes eight, right? We could get thirteen pieces if we counted each of the harness components as separate, even though they are not. Either way it's still fishy "new math" to me.

All-in-all, the accessories are generous, if cheaply constructed. You're getting a vehicle, two swords, and a ninja for under a buck.

This figure is pretty much exactly the kind of glorified party favor you expect from the dollar store. It is probably more fun to buy than to actually play with.

But when you purchase a Ninja Warrior: Moveable Action Figure, what you're really purchasing is the concept of ninjahood. It's an investment in an ideology, more than in a tangible good.

Maybe customizers could find some use for the hand glider (for a buck, it's certainly cheaper than buying the back pack for one of those fancy-schmancy deluxe Revenge of the Sith Jet Troopers), and the sculpted harness could probably look cool if painted. The figures are a little closer to four inches than 3.75, but that could just be the performance enhancing drugs.

In the end, I don't give the wobble-head twins here more than a week in the hands of an active 5+ year-old boy at most.

If you really must insist on playing with them, they will make good fodder for Snake-eyes or Stormshadow if either of them ever ended up wandering into some kind of anime ninja rave.